How to kill bad days!

It doesn't bore well to start the new year with a post on bad days. But bad days are as much a part of us as good days.

Why do bad days exist?
The fact is.. "bad days" don't exist. They exist only for us. Take any bad day and you'll find someone, somewhere having a great time that day. A day is always neutral. Its never bad or good. Its our experience and our judgment that we label them as bad or good.

Parrot Times headlines (on the day of Titanic disaster): "Titanic Sunk. No parrots lost!"

So, a bad day is pretty much in the eye of the beholder.
 
The question (correctly) should be: Why am I having a bad day?
Well, this shifts the focus from the day to you. Why is the day bad for you?. There are many reasons but we'll look into some reasons that turn the day against you! Bad day needs a trigger - an external stimuli that your brain doesn't like. It could be something nasty that someone said or did . It could be your own mental voice that's stressed about some unpleasant work or experience. But without this trigger, no day is bad or good. On good days, its a compliment or something enjoyable you did that triggers it.

Many times, the trigger is weak enough to fade away. Obviously, each day, you experience a bunch of both pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Its the intensity of one kind of experience that turns the entire day into a bad or good one. Your reaction to things happening to you and your interpretation of them as good or bad is what creates it.

Obviously, when you start thinking how bad your day has begun, you become self-conscious about everything you do. You brain goes into a super-defensive mode. You lose fluidity - the capacity to go with the flow of the day. You become conscious of everything you do. This not only makes you vulnerable to more bad experiences (actually creating them) but also adds a lot of mental stress. Now you are officially in a bad-day spiral. Every incremental experience (even good ones) start adding to the stress and it gets compounded.

Is there a way to kill bad days?
Yes there is. Since it is your self-made creation, you also have the power to kill it. Its hard, I know but if you deal with it, you can nip it. Here are 4 R's (I made them up ;-)) that you can use to get your mojo back!

• Reflect 
• Reach out 
• Redeem
• Rebound

You don't have to do all of them. Sometimes just reflection might get you out of that spiral and some other times you might have to try couple of them. But feel free to use what suits you best.

Reflect: If you have no one you can talk to or if you are not comfortable opening up to someone, reflecting on the bad day and how it is impacting you can help you become more objective. Just the self-awareness you create puts the brakes on the negativity that your mind generates. In psychology it is also called "counter-factual" thinking. The following example cited by Prof. Richard Wiseman explains this:

.. Imagine being chosen to represent your country in the Olympic games. You compete in the
games, do very well, and win a bronze medal. How happy do you think that would feel? Most of us
would, I suspect, be overjoyed and proud of our achievement. Now imagine turning the clock back
and competing at the same Olympic games a second time. This time you do even better and win a silver medal. How happy do you think you would feel now? Most of us think that we would feel happier after winning the silver medal than the bronze. This is not surprising. After all, the medals are a reflection of our performance, and the silver medal indicates a better performance than a bronze medal. 
But research suggests that athletes who win bronze medals are actually happier than those who win silver medals. And the reason for this has to do with the way in which the athletes think about their performance. The silver medalists focus on the notion that if they had performed slightly better, then they would have perhaps won a gold medal. In contrast, the bronze medalists focus on the thought that if they had performed slightly worse, then they wouldn’t have won anything at all.

Reachout: Sometimes reflection is hard. In those cases reaching out to someone you trust and talking it out helps put things in perspective. You start to see that this may not be as bad you thought. Your friend/family can help you to expand the context and see how small this issue actually is.

Redeem: Use this strategy if you think you can go back and undo what caused the bad day. Sometimes it might be easy to go back and fix it, say sorry, ask for explanation, or make it right - whatever it takes to redeem yourself out of the situation. This not only kills the bad day but actually turns it into a good day!

It may not be possible to go back and fix it at all times, but most times it is. I am surprised how many times it is actually possible but we don't consider this as an option. We may feel shy, closed, guilty or our ego may block us from considering this. In these cases, ask yourself "what's the worst that can happen if I go back and fix it?" and the answer, surprisingly, will always be "nothing". When you can turn a bad day into a good day, why lose that opportunity?

Rebound: Finally, go do something positive, fun and put the confidence back in you. This is like pressing the "reset" button to start fresh. To get into this mindset, you have to divert your energy to something you really enjoy doing and gives you the confidence to get over your bad-day feeling. There's always a new day.

With one of more of the 4 R's above, you can effectively handle your bad days and even turn them into good days. Like bad days, good days are also a spiral. Once you are in it, the momentum creates more good experiences and you will ride the wave.

Go make every day in 2011 a good day!

Credits:
Photo: Amazingly talented budding artist Sonia
Article source: Prof. Richard Wiseman
Topic inspiration: A dear friend!